


Memories

by Memoryheads



Category: Super Dangan Ronpa 2
Genre: Depersonalization, Derealization, Gen, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Social Anxiety, i am forcing my traumas onto her to Cope, she loves games alot but its only really touched on in the beginning, vent fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-26
Updated: 2018-04-26
Packaged: 2019-04-28 09:36:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 841
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14446455
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Memoryheads/pseuds/Memoryheads
Summary: Chiaki doesn't really understand.





	Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if this is scrambled as hell. Also this is basically about me but w Chiaki because idk how else to cope.

When Chiaki was young, she loved video games.  
  
Whether it was those fun little games on her goofy little leapster pad or those cool little board games on her pink ds she got for christmas or even cool games she'd watch people play online while her family was out doing things, she enjoyed them all. It was her own place where she did her own things and could make her own stories.  
  
One Christmas her family bought a wii, and she'd crush her baby brothers at tennis and suffer through long bowling games and do the weird exercise game and for a few seconds... the character on screen /was/ her. She was the tennis champion or the bowling queen or anything she could be.  
  
One day her parents sat everyone down.  
  
"We are getting a divorce" One says. "We don't love each other like we should. We don't want to hurt you all."  
  
"But," the other interjected, "It's not all bad, we're going bowling!"  
  
Her brother cried, but she couldnt understand. They were going bowling! She would definitely win at this rate!  
  
But she didnt win. And no matter how hard she tried to understand, she couldnt make it make sense.  
  
\------  
  
Chiaki's dad started dating a little after that. His girlfriend (/girlfriend/) had bright hair and an abnoxious laugh and three kids from a previous marraige. Her kids were angry and cruel and yelled, but Chiaki didn't care. They could play games together, and it kept them all connected.  
  
Chiaki's dad promises her the world, while her mom promises her a home and food. Chiaki wanted her own room and her own games and her own space, and her dad said it was hers. But they were never hers.  
  
\-------  
  
Chiaki remembers feeling fear when she starts highschool, whenever that was. People teased her and her friends didnt like the games she played. She panicked in public speaking and cried when people touched her without her saying they could.  People said highschool was the best years of their life, but its so scary she couldnt understand.  
  
\------  
  
Chiaki remembers getting a phone from her mom. Her very own phone. One she could play games on and look at funny pictures and listen to music and no one could stop her or limit what she did. It was hers and hers alone  
  
She remembers her step mom taking her phone and looking through it. She remembers being yelled at and called nasty and disguisting and an awful child. She remembers running next door and hiding and crying. She remembers her stepmom finding her and yelling again. She remembers going into the bathroom and taking a blade and bringing it so so so so close to her veins.  
  
She remembers being too scared to use it.  
  
\------  
  
Chiaki remembers when she watched her first rated M game. She was 12 years old, and she felt rebellious and loved all the story in it. She kept it hidden. Her parents never found out.  
  
\-----  
  
Chiaki remembers hearing voices. Outside her head. Inside her head. There was one voice that stuck around since her first camping trip with her mom. She'd bring along other voices too play to, but it wasnt the same as the first one. She felt so lonely, she read so much about voices and tried to convince herself all of them were real, even though it was only him. Even if she tried to shut him out or tried to erase him he'd still be there.  
  
-Hi!I'm Ka-  
-/NO/-  
  
\-------  
  
Chiaki remembers her hands burning. They weren't /really/ burning. Sometimes her hands just felt like that, like they wanted to be hurt.  
  
She remembers locking herself in the bathroom and turning on the faucet, her worries falling with the scalding hot water down the drain.  
  
\-------  
  
Chiaki doesnt understand her friends. She has wierd interests and lies a lot. She isnt a real human. All she does is stay home and listen to music and swear and play bad video games. Shes not fun or goofy. Shes sad and desperate for love. Chiaki doesnt think her friends should want that in their life. Chiaki thinks thay should just let her go.  
  
\--------  
  
Chiaki doesnt remember how she got here. She looks into the mirror and the eyes that look back into hers arent her. It takes a moment for a voice in her head to say "Hey. Thats you!" In a chipper tone.  
  
Chiaki doesnt want to be here. Shes sitting in a room of shells. One of them speaks but the words are meaningless. Theres laughing. None of it is really there, is it?  
  
Chiaki doesnt understand all the voodoo her mom gives her to help her. How is all this wierd tapping and rough stones supposed to make her happy and real?  
  
Chiaki doesnt want to go outside. She'd much rather play games and not talk to anyone. Not her mom or her friends or her voice. She just wants to sit and be whoever is on the screen.  
  
She just wants to feel free.


End file.
